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Parent-child Problems

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Today's Mind Secret
You do not own your child. Learn today to accept that God has only appointed you for some time only as a caretaker for His new soul.........

Parent-child Problems
A balanced approach is
the best approach

[Want to know more about this topic's practical application in your life? ... Read more about Dr. Arora's Personal Growth Training here]

There are lots of conflicts happening in our family between elders and youngsters. How to deal with this very stressful situation?

The real problem is not between elders and youngsters. The real problem is the instrument which all of you are using to deal with each other – that is your own human mind! Yes, your own mind.
Your M.I.N.D. has 4 definite characteristics:

M – Monkey thoughts

Monkeys keep on jumping from this branch to that branch. They just cannot sit still for some period. They just cannot remain peaceful.
Same way your mind is a crowd of monkeys. These monkeys cannot remain stationary on any one thought. They keep on jumping from thoughts to thoughts. What do you feel? Do you agree?
These monkeys are always quarreling with each other. That’s the reason why most of the thoughts are contradictory to other thoughts.
For example, your one mind wants to go to your friend’s birthday party. But another mind tells you that the next day you have your exams and you must not waste any time. So you are divided because your mind is a house divided.
Your one mind wants to reduce weight and commits to get up early morning every day for the walking and yoga. But when the time comes to get up early another mind within you wants to sleep for just another half hour. Again the same contradiction!
  • Just be sensitive enough to watch closely. You’ll find that there is a huge amount of inner conflict taking place within your mind at any given time because of such mutually antagonistic thoughts.
Such inner conflicts suck your energy right since morning every day. This makes you feel foul and cranky. Then you can be upset easily by anybody on very petty issues.
  • The tragedy starts unfolding when you start finding scapegoats for your own mind’s energy-sucking games. You start finding faults with other human beings. You blame them for your mind’s troubles.
But the same game is played by your family members too. You find fault with them and they find fault with you. A football game starts – you kick…they kick…you kick…they kick… and the silly game of arguments and counter-arguments goes on day everyday.
Do you see the reality? No one is actually troubling anybody. It’s your mind which is playing this dirty game of bitterness and self-destruction because like monkeys it just cannot remain peaceful………

I – Incomplete, Insecure, Inadequate and Inferior

In the same instant your mind can either see the top or the bottom. Same way it can see the left but not the right.
If it sees the right then it loses the view of the left. If it sees you going from point A to point B, then it cannot see you coming towards point B from point A in the same moment.
  • Thus, your mind inherently cannot see the whole reality at any given time. So it always feels incomplete and hence insecure. This further leads to feeling of inadequacy and inferiority with in you.
It’s like an incomplete jigsaw puzzle. This insecurity and incompleteness is a part and parcel of your life in every moment. The instrument of mind itself is designed by the Creator like this.
But you blame other people or some circumstances for your anguish. You feel that they are making you feel insecure or inferior.
Then you expect that your family members will provide you that security and completeness. However, they too are equally insecure and incomplete. They are expecting the same thing from you! It’s like a beggar begging from another beggar!
As long as you fulfill each others’ expectations to some degree at least, the relationship remains very loving and friendly.
  • But for most of the deep expectations both the parties feel cheated and let down. You cannot fulfill their expectations and they fail to come up to your expectations. These unfulfilled expectations then lead to frustrations and inter-personal conflicts.
Like a father keeps on expecting that his bright son should get 90% marks in science. But the son’s mind has dreams of his own. He is more interested in music. Result is the inevitable conflict.
Similarly, the growing up teenage daughter wants to go to parties now. But the parents are worried about any misadventure. Plus, they have to consider ‘What will people say?’
There are going to be huge clashes now for the coming decade.
  • Such silly games are happening all over the world in every family. The problem is not the generation gap but the human mind itself!………

N – Never fulfilled

  • Human mind can never feel fulfilled. It is its inherent manufacturing defect.
It will always focus more on glass is half-empty or what is missing or what is wrong or what is not being given. It just cannot feel contented with its countless blessings and beautiful things already present.
As a result, parents feel that their hardships in meeting the children’s demands with ever-rising prices are not being appreciated by their kids.
The youngsters, on the other hand, feel that parents are being too interfering in the children’s personal freedom; that they are too old fashioned and don’t understand the creative juices flowing in the minds of the young budding geniuses.
This very game was played just about 30 years ago by these parents’ own parents with them. Today they are having the same conflicts with their own children.
  • Nothing has changed really over the generations because the human mind’s focus on the negative has not changed………

D – Divided, Doubtful

  • Your mind oscillates between various extremes. Whatever it does it questions its own self after some time. Hence it is always divided between this and that, to be or not to be.
It just does not trust itself. Therefore, it does not trust others too. This is not bad by itself. In fact, in life it is good to be cautious. But it is bad to be overcautious.
This divided nature of human mind causes parents to doubt their children’s intentions or capabilities. The children feel unappreciated or unloved. They retaliate silently in their own ingenious ways. The game of shouting and more shouting goes on and on………

I really wish to be a perfect human being who does everything for the family’s happiness. What to do then?

  • Please understand that you are having an impossible dream. You simply cannot please everybody and make all members happy all the time.
Please accept your and their imperfections as normal. All of you are just being human, that’s all. The real beauty and fun of human life lies in your family members’ eccentricities only.
Learning to be tolerant, patient and accepting each other’s fallacies is what makes your life enriched finally. Please stop playing this Bollywood movie game of an ideal perfect hero or heroine.
But it is easier said than done. Here practicing meditation daily will help your family a lot and lot. Meditation will remove the clutter of your thoughts and take away your focus from the negative very silently and effortlessly.
Soon you’ll feel as if your mind has been washed in a washing machine and you have come out properly cleansed.
We know from our own experience of so many families whose members are today leading very cordial and loving lives because of only one technique – and that is meditation………

OK. Can you also show me now how to strike a balance between love and discipline while bringing up children?

This is a very good question. There are only 4 ways to bring up your children:

I] Permissive style: Only love, no discipline

Some parents are too much attached with their children’s moods. It is usually the case with single child, single son orsingle daughter families.
They just cannot bear to see their kids weeping. So in the name of love they fulfill all their demands, even if they are unreasonable.
  • Such children become masters of E.B.M. [Emotional Black Mail]. They grow up to be spoilt royal brats. They learn to grow up with the wrong notion that the world and its mere mortals have been only born to serve their royal self.
  • When they grow up such children find it very tough to work in teams or to have warm functional relationships with other people. Their spouses especially have a real tough time dealing with their unrealistic demands.
Meditation is the only hope of these royal brats to come down to mother earth from their lofty thrones. Only then they can have functional relationships in their personal and professional lives………

II] Strict style: Only discipline, no love

On the other hand, some parents go to the other extreme. They are usually high achievers themselves and expect the same from their children.
  • Most of them are from strict family upbringing themselves. Parents coming from police or defense background fall prey to this parenting style usually. Physical beatings, criticism and condemnation are very common with such parents – all in the name of love!
Here children are not shown cuddling love for the fear of spoiling their future. Such parents forget the saying that ‘Love not only should be done; it should be seen to be done also’.
  • Such children grow up to be very under-confident, passive and fearful adults. They might even start stammering badly.
  • Conversely, some other children become rebellious from an early age. They become destructive trouble makers as they grow up. Occasionally, some land up on the criminal path to rebel against any authority.
Meditation is the master key that shows the right perspective of living a beautiful troble-free life to such disturbed souls………

III] Neglecting style: No love, no discipline

Some parents are too busy in their respective careers to give proper attention to their children. Or they are too busy fighting with each other in their own dysfunctional marriage.
In spite of their good intentions to be good parents they just don’t have the time or the energy to give love or discipline to their unfortunate children.
  • Such most unfortunate children grow up as confused adults. Their ideas about right and wrong and social and moral ethics are usually muddled up.
Meditation is the only way through which such troubled souls can get the right sense of balance and inner peace………

IV] Balanced style: Optimum love, optimum discipline

These children are the luckiest ones. Most often these parents have been into meditation themselves for a long time.
Here they learn that ‘Balancing in everything, balancing is everything’.
Getting a proper, healthy and optimum dose of love as well as discipline such lucky souls unleash their full inherent potential in whatever field they choose very easily. They are the born leaders amongst their respective peers………

What if I need personalized guidance to overcome our family’s serious problems faster?

Your family just needs to contact Dr. Arora in this situation.
Dr. Arora, an awakened soul, will help you through his customized training on ‘7 Mind Secrets’. For the last more than 3 decades he has been helping various families from all walks of life to lead a life of mutually fulfilling relationships. All this is always without any medicines or surgery.
If you do feel a need for his personalized guidance to have a happy family life then

Please CALL US TODAY for a FREE introductory personal session.

Dare to be happy and spread happiness among your family members.
You have nothing to loose other than your family’s festering wounds!

Raees Ahmed Siddiqui,  38 yrs., Diploma In REF & A/C

"The course has taught me to become confident, taking better decision, public speaking, managing tensions of day to day life.
More over thr self-marketing art has increased my income more than three times what I was earning before joining the course."

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