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Mind Guru Dr. Sudhir Arora, MBBS
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Marriage Counseling

Do you agree that flexibility brings harmony?

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Today's Mind Secret
You are your own best friend. Learn today that no body else will love you if you, your own best friend, does not love you totally first.........

Marriage Counseling
No one is actually at fault

[Want to know more about this topic's practical application in your life? ... Read more about Dr. Arora's Personal Growth Training here]

Our marriage is in doldrums. What to do now?

Some of the couples remain in denial mode. Either one or both the partners keep on pretending to themselves as well as their family members as if everything is beautiful.
They refuse to see that the things are going wrong. Consequently, they don’t take help when the relationship could still be saved through marriage counseling.
  • While the truth is that the foremost thing to be done in any situation is to first accept the reality. Then something can be done about it surely.
  • In your case you are already accepting that your conjugal relationship is breaking down. That is a very healthy sign. We are here to help you. Definitely, things will change for the better very soon………

Is it necessary for my spouse also to come with me?

Since it involves both of you it’s always better if both of you come for marriage counseling together.
  • However, if your partner does not wish to come at this stage, then we shall begin with you alone. At least 50% work can be done!
We can assure you that first you come alone regularly for your training and counseling sessions. You learn and practice the very simple techniques of dealing with your partner in a more matured and balanced way.
The moment you start changing your behavior, your partner automatically starts changing his or her behavior even without realizing what is actually happening. That’s the beauty of these simple down-to-earth techniques………

OK. But so much bitterness has accumulated within me. I am honestly at my breaking point. What to do?

We understand your turmoil. Please start anywhere and share your sorrows with us or any intimate friend.
  • It’s very, very important to let the steam out and not bother about ‘What will people think?’
We are all human beings. We are all imperfect and prone to making mistakes. At times we fail to maintain good relationships with people who matter the most in our life.
It’s nothing shameful or catastrophic. It’s human to err and even more human to learn from your mistakes, mend your ways and go forward in your life as a more matured and emotionally balanced person………

But I feel like exploding. What do I do about the hurt, betrayal and anger swelling within me?

You can do either of the two things :
  • You can throw all the blame on your spouse. It then becomes a wonderful game of accusing, blaming and complaining. You can go on endlessly with your horror stories – how you were ragged and harassed and how you bore everything patiently and courageously.
No body gets transformed in this very common game. You don’t change, your spouse does not change and marriage remains on rocks more firmly.
You feel like an honored suffering member of the human race and an innocent victim of life’s injustice.
Definitely, your friends and family members give you their sympathy at your sorry state. But it is a very destructive and energy-sucking way of getting their attention.
Your frustrations don’t end; in fact you feel more isolated, depressed and stressed out.
Don’t you agree that finally it all saps away your self-respect? You just become an object of pity for others, feeling inferior to others at most social occasions? ………

Yes, that is what is actually happening. So what is the second alternative?

  • It is to realize the eternal truth: Our Mother Earth is a training school for the spiritual evolution of your soul.
Your soul has had a long, long journey through various life times on this beautiful planet. It had various pleasurable as well as painful experiences during this mysterious journey. Every experience added something to its growth.
Whatever was needed for its evolution to the next level was provided in that particular life time. So in this life time this particular experience had to happen to both of you.
  • You were supposed to give each other some pain and some pleasure so that both the souls evolved to the next level in their own different ways………

I agree. But how does it solve my current problems practically?

We write 6 and show the paper to you. You read it as 9. So who is more right? Both are partially right and partially wrong – depending upon one’s own particular angle.
Same way, you are right that your partner gave you misery. But from his or her angle, you gave greater misery! Now again who is more right?
You are attached, fixated and totally identified to your own particular way of thinking. You erroneously believe that your angle is the only right angle. Same mistake your partner is making.
In this clash of attachments both of you gradually take more and more hard line positions. Small petty issues start taking huge importance. The relationship starts losing its charm. You both keep on suffering more and more.
  • Now comes the next truth : Your partner is not the actual source of your suffering.
  • It is your attachment to your own way of thinking that is the root cause of your marital discord. It’s exactly like you becoming attached to your teddy bear toy. You are hugging it tightly and not willing to give up your toy. Ditto for your partner.
The realization that this suffering is actually helpful for your soul’s evolution makes you see the situation from an entirely different perspective.
  • This makes you less rigid and more accommodative of the opposite point of view. Try it and experience the difference yourself.
The moment flexibility comes in the picture your marriage again starts becoming more romantic and more fulfilling………

All right. I’ll do it. But what about my partner not doing it?

Again accept this reality. Don’t fight with this another reality of your soul’s journey. Again accept that initially the solo burden is on you only.
  • Acceptance of the reality – accepting the situation for ‘what is right now’ rather than ‘what it should have been’ – is your biggest strength to deal with this unfair situation
  • Tolerance, acceptance and patience are the three lessons you have to imbibe from this life’s current situation. You may do it immediately; your misery will be over immediately. Happy days will be here again!
  • Or you may continue to feel victimized and engross yourself in self-pity; you will continue feeling more miserable for a long time to come………

But there are so many issues which are so confusing and so daunting. How to deal with them at my current level of growth?

Your very personal issues need to be understood in greater detail first. Then only the right answers can come out during the marriage counseling sessions.
For this you need to come for a series of totally personalized sessions plus training sessions to learn the various techniques. During these sessions you practically learn various skills to deal with a difficult person in tough situations.
It is undoubtedly a little different initially. But soon you start seeing your life’s flowering happening right in front of your own eyes.
  • Remember, it is always ‘Short term pain, long term gain’. But if you avoid going through this process of self-cleansing, then the opposite is also true, that is, ‘Short term gain, l-o-o-o-n—n-n-g term pain’………

Can I do something else too to hasten the process?

  • Yes, definitely you can. That is to learn and practice meditation. ‘ATM – Any Time Meditation’ will be a great, great help to you to go through this fire of life willingly without resistance and with least suffering………

How much other couples really gain in these sessions?

Frankly, there is a 50-50 chance of your marriage being saved. Those people where marriage counseling fails have the following common points :
  • They refuse to understand that it takes two hands to clap. Both partners are equally responsible for it
  • They want to ‘improve’ their partner and are waiting for the partner to change his or her behavior first
  • They continue accusing, blaming and complaining about the injustice done to them
  • They don’t take responsibility of their own life in their own hands. They find fault with vastu, black magic or their horoscopes
  • They are irregular in coming for the training and counseling sessions, and
  • They always have too much work load so that they don’t have sufficient time to practice the techniques
Those people where marriage counseling succeeds greatly have the following common points :
  • They understand very, very clearly that the outer world is a reflection of their inner world. So they totally stop trying to change others’ behavior. Instead, they focus on their own thoughts first and what actions they can do to improve their own life
  • They take total charge of their actions and their all consequences – good or bad
  • They stop playing the destructive game of accusing, blaming and complaining
  • They understand completely that all this is for their own emotional and spiritual growth
  • They attend all the required sessions regularly, and
  • Consistently practice all the easy techniques………

OK, agreed! I feel I do need more personalized guidance to convert this traumatic experience into a catalyst of my self-growth and self-awareness. What must I do now?

You start becoming more aware of your own bottled up feelings and start expressing them to a counselor or a close empathic friend.
Plus, you need a personalized guidance to get the right answers. You can contact Dr. Arora for his well-known training on ‘7 Mind Secrets’.
Dr. Arora, a medical doctor, is an awakened soul and will personally guide you without any medicines or surgery. He has helped many people in similar situations in the last more than 3 decades.
He will surely show you too how to take charge of your life. He will personally counsel you and show you how to have a beautifully working marriage once again.

Please CALL US TODAY for a FREE personal session.

Give yourself a wonderful chance of tremendous self-growth from this experience.
You have nothing to lose other than your traumas!

Rohit Ghatol,  24 yrs., B.E.(Computers)

"What I gained from Hope Academy:
1. True self-confidence - Getting out of over-pretending, Getting out of influence of others, Able to come out as original me, Able to live as original me.
2. Self-esteem - Able to love myself, Able to live myself, Able to accept myself.
3. Stress release - Able to work in the present moment without anxiety, worry & other obstacles."

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