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Mind Guru Dr. Sudhir Arora, MBBS
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Today's Mind Secret
Every thing happens in life for your ultimate good. Learn today that once you have touched the bottom, the only way left is up and up........

The Pain of Divorce
Absorb your
lessons well

[Want to know more about this topic's practical application in your life? ... Read more about Dr. Arora's Personal Growth Training here]

What is you experience in handling divorce cases?

Dr. Sudhir Arora got married very early. Within one week the couple realized that they were not meant for each other. Yet they continued together for more than 16 long years, quarreling and fighting, trying to make it work somehow.
During this time they hurt each other terribly. The emotional wounds created more viciousness, bitterness and resentment in the relationship. Finally it all ended in a legal divorce by mutual consent in 1993 in Pune.
Immediately, Dr. Arora, a North Indian Punjabi, looked for a new partner through the matrimonial columns and marriage agencies. Within 2 months he found and married his soul mate, Madhushree, a South Indian Kannad Maharashtrian on August 15, 1993.
  • It has been a heavenly union ever since – their life’s finest example of G.O.D. – Grand Overall Design. Being made for each other, it has been the best period of their lives.
So whatever truths he shows you in these pages or during his counseling and training sessions come from his personal experience. There is nothing theoretical or bookish about it.
  • In fact, all knowledge and techniques that you find in any of the pages of this big website come only from his life’s personal bitter and sweet experiences.
He has gone through a lot of emotional turmoil and physical hardships in his own life. But God also showed him the various truths and insights to solve his problems.
That’s why he is able to lead a life of abundance and fulfillment in his second marriage with his soul mate, Madhushree. Their marriage is the living proof that miracles do happen if you are open and willing to learn the lessons which life has to teach you in this life time.
That’s why they have a very d-e-e-e-e-e-p seated desire to help other human beings come out of their suffering………

OK. I feel a lot of anxiety, anger and stress after my divorce. What should I do?

Thank you very much for trusting us with your inner most feelings.
All divorces by their very nature are inherently messy – even if they are by mutual consent. It is the festering wounds of a failed relationship which linger on for a long time and suck your energy daily.
Whenever a sudden or major change happens in any person’s life, then he or she essentially has to go through a period of readjustment with the new equations of life.
  • This is compulsory and common for all human beings in any culture or country. It is a Natural Law like The Law of Gravity – invisible but applicable impartially to all.
There are 3 major phases which you must pass through during your period of readjustment :

I] First phase of shock and denial

When you hear of your friend’s sudden demise then you are literally shocked. Your next immediate reaction is ‘No! I don’t believe it. It must be some other person with the same name.
Then you keep on praying and wishing that this information must come out to be untrue. When you reach the hospital and see for yourself the reality then you adjust and go on to the next phase harmlessly usually.
In most cases of life this phase is very insignificant or small. But still it is always there.
  • Nevertheless, at times you don’t come out of the first phase so easily when the enormity of the shock is too much for your sub-conscious mind to comprehend initially.
For example, the parents remain shocked and in denial for many days or weeks on hearing that their only son of 3 years has got leukemia and will not survive much longer. The parents keep on visiting different specialists or doctors of different medical systems hoping for a miracle.
A gentleman became bankrupt practically overnight when his factory and the office safe with a few lakhs of rupees were gutted in a devastating fire accident. His family remains shocked and dazed for many days.
Although they lost all their money they continued to behave in their usual wealthy way in their social circle. This denial went on for many weeks till the creditors openly started harassing them.
Similarly, you also would have been dazed in the days or months preceding your final divorce. This would have happened when you realized that your marriage had irrevocably broken down. You also would have denied this possibility to yourself for a long time and try to be as normal as before. Do you agree?………

II] Second phase of emotional turmoil

Very soon you land up in intense emotional upheaval. Initially, you feel very angry – angry on your partner, on yourself for being so stupid and naïve, on your kids or other family members, on the injustice of God, on your fiends and fellow colleagues, on small petty matters – in fact on anything and everything.
Then you feel very guilty for hurting so many people in the journey of life. You feel lousy about your whole existence.
Suddenly, your moods can swing over to extreme sadness. You may feel depressed and have crying spells out of blue for no obvious reason.
Or you may feel very negative and a loser without any clear reasoning.
Then you might feel numb or dumb in any normal situation.
  • You may feel that your life has been devastated in an emotional cyclone. It is a very catastrophic and fearful feeling. But like all other feelings are temporary, this also comes and disappears soon.
Sometimes happy and sometimes suddenly sad - all these emotions can come at random at any time without any warning. In this whole process there can be a feeling of total confusion within you and chaos outside you.
You may feel like totally bottling up everything within yourself or may have a very strong urge to let out your steam like a steam engine to your well-wishers.
At times you may drown yourself in your work.
At other time you may feel like running away from everything to an ashram to become a monk or nun.
  • A very common mistake is to take the help of addictions like alcohol, smoking, drugs, etc. to tide over this feeling of crisis and fire-fighting.
You may avoid all contact with the opposite sex. Alternatively, suddenly you may become very promiscuous and have multiple relationships. You may withdraw yourself from your friends and become isolated. You may even escape to mountains.
You may change jobs frequently or insult your boss or colleagues in your double dose of crankiness.
You may become a very doting mother or father to your kids. Or suddenly you may leave all your family responsibilities and just run away.
Conversely, you might feel very relieved and free of all your tensions. You may feel like giggling like teenagers or jumping like children.
  • No one can predict any of the above in any sequence. It’s entirely the Will of G.O.D. – Generator, Operator, Destroyer!………

III] Third phase of acceptance of reality

All the above turmoil takes place over a span of time at its own pace. You just cannot hurry up this process. That’s why they say that only time is a big healer.
  • Slowly you progress towards self-healing. Now you start bargaining with life!
You visit babas and saints, become disciple of a famous guru, start 14 Mondays’ fasts, follow astrology, palmistry or numerology, go to temples, learn some mantras, start giving charity or donate big money to your religious place.
Or you start reading self-growth books, attending self-development workshops, depending upon pyramids or crystals or change your home and office’s vastu.
All these are very good if they serve your personal purpose – that is of bargaining with life to decrease your mental anguish and turmoil.
  • Very soon you start accepting the reality that things have changed for good in your life. That the good old times are over. That you have to go on with your new life under new rules.
In the end you can even laugh about your whole past experience. That day your adjustment period is finally over………

So where am I? Where do I go from here?

You have to complete this whole process of self-cleansing and self-healing anyway. Now you see for yourself where you stand. It helps you to become more aware of your emotions. You don’t have to wallow in self-pity or blame yourself or your partner for anything any more.
  • Just because one marriage has failed it does not mean that you have become a sinner or you are a dirty inferior human being. You go ahead with high self-respect and face the day-to-day challenges with more strength and courage.
You have to take your divorce just as one of the many inevitable ups and downs of your life – nothing more, nothing less.
Every little failure is your stepping stone to success. You have learnt your lessons well from this unfortunate episode. Now go ahead with full self-confidence and self-belief………

What lessons do I get from my divorce?

Lots of them – all beautiful and life-transforming! The 3 most important pearls of wisdom that life has shown to you are :

I] This life time is a training school for your soul’s evolutionary growth - Be open, be willing to learn your lessons well

Our Mother Earth is a training school for the spiritual evolution of your soul.
Your soul has had a long, long journey through various life times on this beautiful planet. It had various pleasurable as well as painful experiences during this mysterious journey. Every experience added something to its growth.
Whatever was needed for its evolution to the next level was provided in that particular life time through your relationships. So in this life time this particular experience had to happen to both of you.
  • You were supposed to give each other some pain and some pleasure so that both the souls evolved to the next level in their own different ways………

II] Your attachments lead to your destruction

You always have some expectations from your spouse and other people around you. It is the normal property of a normal mind. Nothing is wrong in this. However, it is your attachment and fixation to your expectations that destroys your relationships.
For example, you have a desire that the Bollywood’s superstar should come to your home to stay there for a week. Not a wrong fantasy – it might even come true!
But if you insist that come what may, it must happen the way you desire, then it’s going to be one hell of a life. What do you feel? Do you agree?
Same thing is true about all your other desires and expectations. They make your life interesting, challenging and worth living undoubtedly. Surely they add the spice in your relationships.
  • But it is your fixation and attachment ‘I must get what I want anyhow, even if it means hurting others’ that finally destroys your peace of mind and your relationships………

III] Resistance leads to persistence and acceptance leads to disappearance.

  • Every emotional release is a catharsis and liberation for you from your pent-up anxiety, anger and insecurity. What is most important is not to resist, suppress or avoid any emotion, howsoever sad or depressing at any time.
You have to compulsorily go through all this in your adjustment period. That’s the Will of G.O.D. – Grand Overall Design!
  • If you resist, suppress or avoid any of the negative feelings then they will chase you day and night and resurface at odd times. You life will become more hellish then.
Short term pain, long term gain. Conversely, short term gain, long term pain!
Deliberately choose the short term pain of going through the whole turmoil willingly without any resistance. This will definitely hasten your self-healing process of readjustment. The alternative of avoidance or suppression is too, too painful over a big span of time………

But it is so frightening. Can I do something extra to go through this extreme pain?

Yes, definitely you can. That is to learn and practice meditation. ‘ATM – Any Time Meditation’ will be a great, great help to you to go through this fire of life willingly without resistance and with least suffering………

Done! But I feel I do need more personalized guidance to convert this suffering to my happiness. What must I do now?

You start absorbing the insights which happen to you during your agony. They come as God’s voice or intuition from your Super-conscious Mind. Plus, you need a personalized guidance to get the right answers. You can contact Dr. Arora for his well-known training on ‘7 Mind Secrets’.
Dr. Arora, a medical doctor, is an awakened soul and will personally guide you without any medicines or surgery. He has helped many people in similar situations in the last more than 3 decades.
He will surely counsel you personally and show you how to have a life of abundance and happiness once again whether you get remarried or not.

Please CALL US TODAY for a FREE introductory personal session.

Dare to have another chance at living a fulfilled life.
You have nothing to lose other than your past agony!

Dr. Swanand Ghatpande,  51 yrs., M.B.B.S.

"Dr. Arora makes you face your life boldly. He removes the feeling of frustration, anger, revenge and other negative emotions from your mind. You become more effective in public speaking and are able to add much more to your self-esteem.
Life becomes happier & worth living under the guidance of Dr. Arora who is doing whole hearted efforts to improve the total personality of all those who are participating in this course."

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